


DS9: Small Essay Collection

by kaelio



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Collection of Tiny Star Trek Comments, Essays, Meta, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2019-09-13 14:59:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16894776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaelio/pseuds/kaelio
Summary: A series of small essays/text posts originally posted on my Tumblr about DS9.





	1. Index

Index of meta commentary, essays, and other Deep Space 9 topics:

 

**1\. Julian Bashir, Augment:**

Discusses the decision to reveal Dr. Bashir to be an augment. Originally posted on Tumblr as a reply to a post regarding this topic.

**2\. Dominion War:**

A discussion of another angle I might have taken with respect to the Dominion War. Basically just an AU, but the rationale corresponds to what I think were weaknesses in how the Dominion War arc played out.

**3\. Cardassian Addiction:**

Tiny comment on addiction problems witnessed among Cardassians. Originally posted on Tumblr.

**4. Ferengi Religion:**

Quick comment of how Ferengi religion is portrayed. Originally posted on Tumblr.

**5\. Thoughts on "The Wire":**

Thoughts on "The Wire". Originally posted on Tumblr

**6. Vic Fonatine:**

An explanation of why I think Vic was a misstep. Originally posted on Tumblr.

**7. Stupid Posts:**

Brief, stupid posts that were originally posted on Tumblr.

**8. Stupid Posts (Capitalized):**

Different brief, stupid posts with capital letters that were originally posted on Tumblr.


	2. JULIAN BASHIR: AUGMENT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A text post in reply to a "DS9 Confessions" Tumblr post expressing dissatisfaction with the "augment Julian" plotline.

My primary gripe [with this plotline] is that it throws off the balance of the characters. 

Deep Space 9 thrives on the relationships between characters and ways that these characters try to realize their personal philosophies when the opportunity is presented to them.

For example, take the three main human Federation characters, and how each views the Federation:

\- Sisko is pro-Federation but is extremely skeptical about some aspects and, at times, actively and consciously acts in ways that are contrary to some of its common tenets. ( “Establish a dialogue? What the hell does she think I’ve been trying to do? […] Just because a group of people belongs to the Federation it does not mean that they are saints. […] The trouble is Earth. On Earth there is no poverty, no crime, no war. You look out the window of Starfleet headquarters and you see paradise. Well, it’s easy to be a saint in paradise, but the Maquis do not live in paradise. Out there in the Demilitarised zone, all the problems haven’t been solved yet. Out there, there are no saints, just people. Angry, scared, determined people who are going to do whatever it takes to survive whether it meets with Federation approval or not.”)

\- O’Brien is loyal to the Federation but it doesn’t seem to come from a heavily philosophical space. He has seen the Federation work for him and work for his family. He approves of it but I wouldn’t label him “zealous”, and he will make decisions based on pragmatism as he believes necessary.

\- Dr. Bashir is an ideologue. He believes in the Federation from a heavily moral and conceptual standpoint and is absolutely crushed whenever its ostensible ideals are abandoned or compromised. You can see him contrasted with Miles in “Hippocratic Oath” and contrasted with Sisko in “In the Pale Moonlight”.

To me, the nuances of these three pro-Federation characters is really compelling. 

We see the show deliberately construct contrasting character sets. For example, Kira is unapologetically fierce whereas Jadzia is perhaps excessively laissez-faire. Odo represents the dispassionately authoritarian rule of law/security/the panopticon, whereas Quark represents entrepreneurism/freedom/criminal conduct. Dukat sees himself as lofty and controlled, but is spontaneous, emotional, and not very bright; Garak presents himself as humble and superficial, but is a patient, sly, and pragmatic planner. Gowron is a traditional Klingon hothead, whereas Martok is a more reasoned, compassionate leader. 

DS9 usually assigned teams of characters based on how their philosophies would clash and how certain perspectives may or may not be valid under different scenarios. (Or sometimes, how two disparate-seeming views can achieve a compromise under certain conditions.) They also played a lot with completely independent axes for character motivations. “Cardassians” is a good example, where Garak’s involvement has absolutely nothing to do with being pro- or anti-Federation even though the conclusion is in the Federation’s best interests.

Making Bashir into Data-lite is like… what? How does that help? It interrupts his previous long-arc of, essentially, growing up in a world more complicated than he’d previously imagined. (Think back to his first “frontier medicine!!” line with Kira.) Jadzia’s no longer the “generally smart/wise/experienced” character and gets some of the wind taken out of her sails, probably why she’s handed off to Worf and becomes somewhat subordinate as a character. His idealism/cynicism dynamic with Garak gets completely off-course. I don’t know what the heck kind of dynamic he’s supposed to have with Sisko after that, versus the pseudo-paternal angle Sisko has for Bashir early-in. 

TNG needed a Data. Deep Space 9 doesn’t. There are cases to the contrary in both shows, but I believe TNG is largely about characters with different skills coming together to solve problems. DS9 is more about characters with different philosophies solving (or addressing) problems. As such, it is perfectly all right if Geordi, Troi, Dr. Crusher, and Riker are all committed to the Federation as it presently exists. However, many episodes of Deep Space 9 would flounder if the characters didn’t have different views on the nature of the problem they’re addressing. Making Dr. Bashir into like… off-brand Data or Spock interrupts the dynamics they had established, which were working, and just introduced one more twist that they didn’t really know how to integrate into the show and only halfheartedly followed through on.


	3. DOMINION WAR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A discussion of another angle I might have taken with respect to the Dominion War. Basically just an AU, but the rationale corresponds to what I think were missed opportunities in how the Dominion War arc played out. Originally posted on Tumblr.

I’ve always sort of disliked the Dominion War. To be honest, it feels like a case of wasted potential, where there was a really awesome idea-nugget that could have been used to explore what makes the Star Trek universe so engaging. I just… yeah, wish it focused more on the theme of the role of the Federation among the civilizations in the quadrant?

**HERE’S STUFF I WISH HAD HAPPENED:**

I mean you have to start with the groundwork: what is the Dominion War arc trying to achieve from a thematic standpoint? I’d say that ideally, it should cover the “role of war” in conflict between cultures, and how the Federation–as a highly ideological institution–perceives war, what strategies are applied under what circumstances, and whether this approach is justified and/or written as effective. (This is why the really good DW-arc episodes, like  _Under the Pale Moonlight_ and  _The Siege of AR-558_ work so well.) 

That doesn’t mean every episode has to address this concern exactly, but I think it should be the strong focus of the Dominion War arc overall. (For example,  _Once More Unto the Breach_  is one of my favorite episodes but it exists somewhat independent of the themes that characterize the Dominion War arc.) I also think that the writers would largely agree about the importance of some of these themes, although I don’t think that the way that the show went about addressing these things was as effective as it could have been.

As a somewhat parallel but related note, I would strip out anything that felt like it had a “destiny” aspect. Star Trek is supposed to present a world of opportunity, and “destiny” narratives not only tend to rob characters of agency (and therefore undercut the significance of whatever choices they are making), but also divide characters into two camps: those who are allowed to matter, and those who are not. So, for example, I would have Sisko be the Bajoran “Emissary”, and allow that to have explicit cultural meaning on Bajor. However, I would never explicitly define what that meant for Sisko–I would never make it clear if the wormhole aliens  _themselves_  care about Sisko, guide him, or affect outcomes that affect him. Maybe they are! Maybe they’re not! Making decisions in the “listened to the wormhole aliens, who are right / try to resist for 15 minutes before coming around” space robs Sisko of the successes he derives from his own competence, virtue, and ambitions. It also unnecessarily highlights his character shield, implying he also doesn’t face normal consequences for his actions, which betrays their significance.

If it’s “destiny”, it’s banned!! 

I think the starting position of Deep Space 9 is basically perfect for this conflict. I wouldn’t really change anything at the outset. You have a space station above recently-occupied Bajor, Sisko has taken over the leadership position there, and his friend Dax joins him as newly-minted Jadzia Dax, spots and all. (Just to be clear, this doesn’t exist in my “alien redesign” world, though it could, I don’t think it would make any difference?) Sisko’s wife did recently pass away, and Jake is with him on the station, being a kid. 

Kira was a successful resistance fighter but not someone inherently super influential, and she’s there to ensure Bajoran interests are upheld. It’s not really a plumb position but it’s not bad, and it’s a testament to her diligence, intelligence, and capability. O’Brien is there as a highly-competent engineer who is thought to be able to repair and maintain a Cardassian station. His wife, Keiko, is there with him and in this timeline she actually gets to be involved in goings-on but that’s another story. Bashir, the hyper-competent if somewhat overzealous doctor is there, ready to do good with limited resources. Garak’s still a 95% burn-notice’d spy in exile. Quark has his bar and his brother Rom is there to assist him along with his son Nog. Odo is the changeling security officer who they inherited along with the station. So, the only real difference being that Sisko’s role as the “Emissary” is still culturally clear, but in real terms, highly ambiguous. 

I’d also start off the series the same way: the stable wormhole opens and DS9 becomes more influential. I don’t know if I’d have it extend all the way to the Delta Quadrant though–maybe just some place well out of known space. At that stage, DS9 goes from backwater junker to essentially the sessile form of the Enterprise: neat aliens and interesting conflicts come to  _it,_  but the format is similar. And I’d also give that a few years of breathing room to get to know the characters and develop their dynamics. At that point, gears start turning.

The Cardassian government starts churning a little. Gul Dukat should have been associated with the occupation of Bajor, but whether it’s a little too “cute” that he ran DS9 (or inappropriately small-scale) and it runs against my beef with “destiny”, I’m not sure. But anyway, he becomes a rising political power on Cardassia. He’s charismatic and superficial; he’s addicted to attention and validation from others. He does actually cut a figure that is effective as a leader–people like to follow this guy. He is backed up by the stoic Damar, who is substantially less cunning than Dukat, but wise and a careful strategist. As a team, they carve a powerful political niche in the Cardassian Union.

Okay, here’s where stuff starts to get radically different:

Dukat is part of the political contingent who hammer out an alliance with the Romulans to attack the Klingon Empire. (This might also leverage a connection Tain had developed, that’s not super important.) The Romulans like this idea because they can get rid of one of their contentious borders and focus their efforts on the Neutral Zone. The Cardassians like this idea because they know that the Romulans will take the brunt of the casualties and damage (particularly since the Cardassians and Klingons don’t border in most maps I’ve seen), and they still get to remove a significant threat, as well as pick up necessary resources from conquered worlds. The Romulans aren’t as resource-hungry as the Cardassians, so it’s a rather sensible divide for the two. 

The Klingons start taking a beating, and the Federation must decide what–if anything–to do. It’s not to suggest that the Federation and the Klingons are suddenly buddies, but there’s a lot to fear in a successful Romulan/Cardassian alliance. (Aside: For the purposes of the scenario, please assume there are Romulan characters who matter in DS9….) A few ideas are bandied around:

1\. Suggest to the Klingon Empire that the Federation assist the Klingons directly. Rationale: If the R/C alliance is successful, then Federation-controlled worlds are likely next. (Well, after they clean up any minor powers they feel like, such as the Tzenkethi.) Detractors point out that actually, taking ownership of the Klingon Empire–assuming that the R/C alliance even wins!–will probably keep them busy for a while, and it does get rid of the Klingon, a perennial thorn in the Federation’s side. If the R/C alliance fails, then all of the Federation’s major rival powers will come out the worse for wear, putting the Federation in a strong relative position.

2\. Suggest that the Federation assist the Klingons covertly. Mostly the same rationale as above, although it introduces some duplicity and wouldn’t be as outright effective. If it’s never uncovered then everything is fine, if it is, then that’s a black eye for the Federation’s reputation (not that the Romulans or Cardassians would disagree with the logic!) 

3\. Do nothing. Firstly, it’s not the Federation’s war to fight. Furthermore, letting your enemies duke it out while you keep your own nose clean is quite appealing. The downside is, among other things, that the Federation lost the opportunity to develop and active stance and acquire possible benefits. The Federation benefits in relative terms and will likely end in a strong position, but is also likely to be targeted in the future by any continuing R/C alliance.

4\. Offer to join with the Romulans and the Cardassians! The advantages are many. This combined alliance would be virtually guaranteed to win against the Klingon, perhaps so decisively that causalities are comparatively limited. The Federation could also bargain for amenable borders, or the return of worlds conquered by the Klingon, in return for their assistance. This also puts the Federation in a better position to bargain with the Romulans or Cardassians in the future if either party would rather join with the powerful Federation than the other for any future major conflicts. Instead of the Federation looking down the gun of the R/C alliance (with whatever benefits come from having taken Klingon space), suddenly the Tal’Shiar is knocking at their backdoor asking if the Federation might just be interested in knocking out the Cardassians. 

This is a major conflict among contingents within the Federation, and they spend quite a while arguing it. During this time, during unrelated expeditions through the wormhole, Sisko & Co. discover the changeling homeworld. Odo is very excited.

The changelings have a bit of an ordered (and teensy bit apparently fascist) bent. However, their powers–which, as in DS9 proper, are better developed than Odo’s–present endless possibilities for subterfuge. Ultimately, someone informs the Federation of the changelings, and a determination is made: the Federation will select #3–they will not become directly involved in this war. For now, anyway.  _However,_ they will form a compact with the changelings, and send them to infiltrate every side of the conflict: Romulan, Cardassian, and Klingon. 

The Federation presumes that the changelings are in earnest, even though there doesn’t seem to be much that the Federation is offering them. The changelings claim they protect themselves by knowing what is going on and being aware of threats, which makes some sense (especially given their tale of historical abuses from solids). Odo vouches for them, and he’s always been a pillar of the community. The Federation is largely enthusiastic to take them on board, and not critical. Sisko is considerably more suspicious, but he is not heeded by his higher-ups. 

 **Sisko and others are also concerned that this is a substantial violation of the Federation’s values and sets a horrible precedent for how the Federation engages with other sovereign governments.** I mean sure, he accepts that spies exist. Other governments have provably used them against the Federation, and the Federation has spies. It’s not  _okay_ , but it’s an established, historical practice. However, what’s missing with the changelings is almost a sense of fair play. A changeling is an espionage superweapon, of which the other major players are unaware, and they are being used in what is technically a time for peace for the Federation, to exploit a war that is gruesome in extent and brutality.

The Klingon Empire eventually falls, and though a few rebel forces remain (rising particularly from the civilian population), the Empire is essentially gutted and  _billions_  of Klingons die. 

Jadzia is aware of the “logic” underlying the Federation’s approach, but she never forgives it. In her mind, once it was clear the Klingon really would fight to the last warrior, and that this would entail de facto genocide in defeat, and that the Federation might have been able to curtail it, but instead sought to leverage it, she loses all respect for the Federation as a government. She continues to serve in Starfleet as a way to help Sisko during these difficult times, and support him in his criticism of the Federation’s chosen strategy (as well as promote the interests of the remaining Klingons, some of which are orphans and refugees). There are times when she considers sabotaging official Starfleet missions and etc. She serves but considers herself an apostate.

Given his experience in espionage, Garak’s brought into the thinktank on the matter. (That he’s trusted at all is a function of the Bashir link still developing in this version of events.) Garak’s not a fan of the changelings either, and had told Sisko as much. The Federation has no real leverage over the changelings and are  _just as vulnerable to the techniques they are teaching the Changelings to use against the Romulan Star Empire and the Cardassian Union._ Sisko agrees but still views it in an ideological space, not an existential-threat space.

Dukat gains power and popularity for his role in promoting the alliance and subsequent war, defeating the Klingons, and improving the Cardassian resource base. Thus far it all seems to have been a good move and he’s now an influential Legate. He’s the talker and the firebrand but as usual, Damar’s the one crunching numbers about what their next move should be. It’s worth noting that Damar is perfectly happy with this arrangement, and given Cardassian culture, sees it as a safe and effective position from which to promote his agenda under the guise of it being Dukat’s. Dukat is almost like an assassination-mulligan. 

There’s also some Romulan who should have existed, I’m going to make it Cretak because she deserved better, who is the face of the Romulans and is enjoying complementary boons in reputation and status among the Romulans, so this alliance has been going relatively well. There have been some arguments and misunderstandings, but ultimately the prize was so good, and the Obsidian Order / Tal’Shiar so evenly matched that they’re making a good go of it.

The Federation hears about the inner workings of this alliance via its changeling agents. Members of the Federation become increasingly concerned. They’re hearing about plans involving inviting, conquering, or even slaughtering the Gorn and the Breen. No one is talking about wholesale war with the Federation–yet–but they’re down in ships and exhausted, with many officers dead. Admittedly, it  _wouldn’t_  be the right time to attack the Federation still at its full force.

However, someone in the Federation gets the idea to play the Federation’s relative strength for a further advantage. The changelings are ordered to begin trying to upset the R/C alliance and to promote distrust and animosity between the two factions, and in fact to try to  ** _instigate another war._**

What could be better for the Federation than for the Romulans and Cardassians, already weakened and trying to maintain control over a vast new territory, to go to war themselves? Whoever should win, they would both be  _further_  weakened, and yes, it’s being suggested that the Federation could then rapidly swoop in and overcome the victor. I mean it’s sneaky, perhaps, but imagine–a Federation bordered by no powerful enemies at all. Sure, the Breen are still out there, for now, but get serious. No more Neutral Zone, no more DMZ, and no Klingon border. It’s a dream come true and you don’t get chances like this every day.

 **Sisko literally thinks this is the most horrific, reprehensible thing he’s ever heard.**  Jadzia agrees and is apoplectic. Kira sort of likes the plan, since she’s distraught at the recent successes of the Cardassians and is worried for Bajor’s future if Cardassia remains strong on a trajectory to become stronger. Bashir abhors war and can’t support it. O’Brien is on the fence but generally thinks it’s wrong, though he understands the appeal. (What they don’t know is that Garak has managed to smuggle word out to Tain, so the Cardassians are quietly pretending to be unaware of the changelings, but are learning to identify them and mislead them, throwing as much false intel as possible back to the Federation. The Romulans, however, still don’t know, and the Cardassians are using that fact–I mean, they can’t really help themselves, an advantage like that.)

Jadzia publicly breaks the news of the changelings to the Romulans and the Cardassians (or so she thinks, in the latter’s case). This is a huge violation of everything ever and she knows it. However, it’s a principled stand against a Federation she views as willing to profit from bloodshed. The Romulans, led by Cretak, are furious, and the Cardassians, via Dukat, come out as publicly also furious!

This has an unexpected effect: it’s the changelings who flip. Suddenly, they transition to the next stage of what was their ultimate plan: destroy any powerful contingent of solids. See, from day one, they felt any powerful union of solids was a threat; changelings disdain and fear disorder, so their goal was always to drive the Alpha Quadrant to as many wars as possible, including eventual civil war within the Federation, to break up these powerful forces into smaller, disorganized communities, and destroy them. 

(And of course, they had already been installing agents in the Federation as well.)

Odo is heartbroken. He had no idea!

Garak is quite annoyed because he absolutely thought this would happen.

Jadzia is suddenly unsure of whether she did the right thing by coming forward.

Kira admits she was wrong to let her obsession with the Cardassians lead her to promoting immoral strategies and that her own perspective was, in a way, one of war profiteering (if not for latinum). 

Quark uses the opportunity to make a point about dishonesty  _within bounds._

Sisko is so mad because he sort of thinks the Federation kind of deserves it for what they’ve done!

The changelings immediately do a ton of damage. The Federation, Cardassian Union, and Romulan Star Empire quickly realize that their only hope is to join forces to try to identify and drive out the changelings before it is too late. The Cardassians do have to admit that they knew about the changelings and had a few techniques for identifying and waylaying them. The Romulans are mad about that but they’re in a tight spot and will have to save that tantrum for later. 

Eventually, after working together and countless painful losses, the changelings are identified and driven out. How this is done exactly, and where they go, and what is done with them–eh. Maybe they’re given some sort of place to be roughly equivalent to Megan where they can feel confidently safe, who knows. 

What’s important is it leaves behind a Federation that has seen the ugly side of compromising its values, and has a damaged reputation among the system. There is some shuffling among the leadership of the Federation, and anyone who promoted the changeling plan is at best blacklisted from high office or major influential positions. 

Oh, also at some point Dukat dies and Damar has to take over, which works out well for the future since he’s not nearly as aggressive as Dukat and is fine with Cardassia working to now improve its internal strength and be at relative peace with the other bordering governments. Cretak can stay leader through it all because she is neat & cool, and good for her making it to the endgame, you know?

The Romulans, Federation, and Cardassians emerge overall wounded-but-intact, and there’s something to be said for the fact that they’ve just defeated a greater foe–together!–but they’ve also seen an ugly side of one another, and still maintain significantly different cultural values, some of which are outright detestable to the others. What will happen from here isn’t clear–there’s a moment of genuine peace among these historical enemies, and though everyone is grateful for it, there is still the lingering notion that war, someday in the future, may again be an inevitability as memory fades and powerful interests seek to raise the stakes.

Sisko and all are left to consider what choices they made along the way and whether they did the right thing. Character arcs reach logical conclusions–Jadzia has still become Ezri, for example, probably due to an execution from someone or other. Garak’s exile is lifted based on his role in assisting Cardassia from DS9. I didn’t talk about him but Rom still joins Starfleet and does have a valuable perspective–one that would have been valuable when assessing big questions earlier, but was not available due to Ferengi being largely brushed off even in areas where they can be very keen. Perhaps Odo is made the warden for the other changelings. The major questions to chew on are:

1\. Is it right to be interventionist in wars that do not immediately affect your direct interests? What is the role of neutral governments?

2\. What strategies are appropriate against “rival” forces that are not explicitly hostile?

3\. What strategies are appropriate against hostile forces?

4\. What is the appropriate level of transparency for a government? How much transparency should governments exhibit with one another?

5\. What alliances can be justified and under what circumstances?

6\. What is the dividing line between being justifiably opportunistic and being exploitative? 

Sisko comes out largely justified: he believes in genuine Federation values, and promoted them. But… could he have done more? Should he?

ANYWAY, that’s how I wish the Dominion War played out. (You’d probably even have to call it something else!) Thanks for reading this far!!

I’m always interesting in hearing other opinions too or knowing about anywhere else people have been talking about it!


	4. CARDASSIAN ADDICTION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tiny text post I made on Tumblr about apparent Cardassian problems with addiction and addictive behaviors.

Is it just me or do Cardassians seem to be subject to addiction problems?

 

Damar: Kanar - booze.

Dukat: Women - sex addiction. -- Someday there will probably be a link to a Dukat-specific post here, since I want to write a few things about him at some point, but I think his preoccupation is beyond trashy quirk and well into the definition of addiction. It’s an obsession that repeatedly undermines his ability to accomplish serious goals and causes damage to aspects of his life he cares about and “knows” he should prioritize. 

Garak: The “wire” - painkillers. These endorphins might be “natural” but he was tripping round-the-clock.

Boheeka: Dabo - gambling.

Enabran Tain:  ~~hhhhhamburgers~~ fizzy orange drinks well before 5 pm.

Short of seeing Archon Makbar sneak out between sessions to light up a cigarette in the bathroom, or Gul Evek ordering his ship to stand down and return to Cardassian space so he doesn’t miss the special event for a new  _Team Fortress 2_  hat, seems like we’re pretty well covering our bases. And my word, they're drinking constantly.

It’s easy to ascribe things in Star Trek to “racial tendencies” but I think that’s a bit cheap, not to mention loaded. I do however think it could be the result of their intense and strict social structure (including high levels of surveillance) causing them unusually high levels of stress, which their culture doesn’t have healthy coping methods to address. 


	5. FERENGI RELIGON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quick comment on Quark's status at the end of DS9.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr.

I’m going to be honest, I always liked how Quark kept to Ferengi values at the end of DS9. He had a bit of a shift, hard-earned, but ultimately he was committed to his values, just as Kira was in the one where the Bajoran caste system is re-instituted. I think it’s an important part of the story, that there are belief systems where the adherents suffer “nobly” (i.e. Winn, Opaka, and Bariel in the Occupation), but there are also those who suffer in ways we consider “ignoble” (Quark, who gives up what he personally desires–usually really rad ladies). It invites you to explore why you might have contempt for one but not the other, or why one “irrational belief” passes muster in your personal assessment whereas another might not. I thought it was bold to keep a lot of these powerful parallels in the narrative. this is my quark opinion thank you

Oh and, don’t forget, Quark’s beliefs are explicitly presented in a religious framework.The Divine Treasury. The Vault of Eternal Destitution. Blessed Exchequer. Celestial Auctioneers. He’s not capitalistic in a modern Earth sense, it has concrete religious foundations for him. So it’s interesting that Kira’s adherence to a caste system is presented as legitimately conflicted, but Quark’s desire for profit is fairly unilaterally condemned. Even though only one system gets a man murdered on, like, day 2 of its re-implementation. 

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a gripe, it’s an interesting contrast in how cultures are perceived by primarily Federation-aligned individuals in that timeframe. And without it, you get, “Well here’s the good religion that’s sticking around, and here’s the bad one we’ll gradually extinguish.”


	6. THOUGHTS ON "THE WIRE"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some thoughts on episode "The Wire" as per a question to my Tumblr inbox.

_Q: What's your favorite DS9 episode and why?_

 

It’s “The Wire” although primarily  _not_  for the obvious reasons. What? Really!

(Also, my second favorite is the … what’s it called, something The Breach, the one Kor as a senile old Klingon. Really like Rocks & Shoals and Cardassians also. Civil Defense!! Also the one with Weyoun 6. I’m bad at remembering titles. Oh and Magnificent Ferengi owns. Oh crap, can’t forget House of Quark!!)

1\. It’s like the only, ONLY episode of ANYTHING, EVER, of any SERIES, of any  **MEDIA PROPERTY IN HISTORY** , that realized that  **not only do you not have to answer every backstory question, but you probably _shouldn’t._**  They never explain what the hell Garak did (and even ASIT is his word which like… in the context of Point 2, I assign a take-it-or-leave-it status to whether  _any_  part of it is true). That’s awesome! It means it gets to be whatever any given audience member thinks would be most poignant or thematic. That was the right way to go, and I stand by the writers on that 100%. The opposite of this is what occurred with the Star Wars prequels. I feel sorry for anyone so young that those films existed before your awareness of Star Wars, because it was legitimately different when the original trilogy was the entirety of the film canon. And not for silly “Jar Jar is dumb reasons”, but things like the role of the “chosen one” narrative, which is like… yeah I hate chosen-one narratives. Darth Vader wasn’t originally a chosen one–never forget that! He was a  _guy_  who made  _choices._

_Note: They never actually reveal why the heck Garak approached Bashir in the first place either, which is sort of funny because you can tell they probably had a reason in mind but abandoned it when the character took a different direction. So now it’s just like “HEY”_

2\. It’s the best media representation of a pathological liar I’ve ever seen. I have family members and friends who are/were pathological liars. It can be frustrating but it’s not necessarily evil; it tends to come from a place I understand. There’s sort of two types: people who will just tell stupid incoherent lies for attention (I can’t stay friends with these, among other things they get mad if you can’t remember all their stories perfectly), and those who use lies to tell stories in an oblique way? They  _cannot_  tell the truth, they’re not capable. It’s too revealing; they’re hardwired not to make themselves vulnerable that way. For those people, you can have pity, and listen for the story they’re  _trying_  to tell, and appreciate them and cherish them for the attempt that they’re making. And if their story is correctly constructed, you will understand what they wish they could say (at least, approximately enough). I feel grateful when they try.

3\. it’s gay and im a big weenie who thinks it’s cute & nice (this is the obvious reason)

4\. I love Enabran Tain as a character. You kind of have to go back and get into the mindscape of someone who hasn’t seen the full series before. All you know about the Obsidian Order is that it’s some hardcore Stasi kind of yikes. However, whether the writers were trying to be subversive, or they  _knew_  this, they effectively presented a strange truth: a lot of leaders of organizations like that are actually very amiable! People  _like_  following them. That’s not to say that they aren’t feared, but they’re very good at getting people to lower their defenses. A good example is Saddam Hussein, who was said to be an absolute joy to be around. Enabran is a pretty chill dude! If he ran the local diner you’d think, hey, there’s a friendly old fellow.

5\. I think Tain’s dialogue with Bashir is brilliant because he sounds so vicious and insidious but if you listen carefully, every single question is for a status update about his son, framed in a way that is not suspicious. It comes across as gloating and Machiavellian, but go through it again and listen for the actual information he’s soliciting, and how effective it is that he frames it the way he does. And Bashir comes away thinking Enabran’s a spiteful dick, even though Enabran just helped him, and helped Garak. Enabran is supposed to be brilliant; do you think he makes the majority of his decisions out of spite or ruthless efficiency? Strange, isn’t it?


	7. VIC FONTAINE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Response to a Tumblr ask for why I don't like Vic Fontaine.

 

 

 

_Can I ask why you don’t like Vic Fontaine?_

 

 

There are quite a few reasons, and they’re variously personal/small/thematic/unfair/structural and what-have-you. A full answer would probably be a novella. But as a quick series of bulletpoints for things that come immediately to mind:

\- I think he’s unnecessary in a show where Quark was already the de facto “counselor”, and his inclusion undercuts Quark’s role in the show. This becomes even worse and more conspicuous when Ezri–a “real counselor”–shows up, and puts her into a position where her entire presence is generally unnecessary, so instead she solves murders, apparently.

\- He’s heavily tied in with S6/7 which I have very conflicted feelings about overall.

\- I’m with Sisko, I hate that era. And I hate its largely uncritical presence in a show that has a strong deconstructionist bent. To glamorize and romanticize the  _Las Vegas ratpack era_  in a show that almost revels in cutting down TOS values (particularly notable in its approach to the mirror universe) I find deeply unpalatable. 

\- I don’t see anything particularly compelling about the character. He doesn’t seem to have any particular charisma or drive.

\- His vague omnipresence seems ill-defined and confuses a series that already has a lot of weird, vaguely deistic forces. 

\- We didn’t need more male characters. As DS9 progressed, overall, it feels like the female characters had less and less to do and were increasingly relegated to subordinate roles. Their relationships to others also seemed to get flatter. Female characters needed the types of moments Vic commandeered. 

\- I don’t think any of the episodes with him in it are very good. The heist episode is the only episode of DS9 I absolutely can’t stand. A lot of people like it, but I find it tedious, considerably more tedious than “Meridian”, even. 

\- Vic doesn’t really have any flaws. You never think, “Oh shit, in this particular situation, Vic’s gonna fuck it up.” Everyone else has these moments, or situations where their qualities become a liability, and that creates conflict. You’re never like, “Uh oh, as senior officer, Vic’s going to try to keep us on this planet aiding our enemy even at risk to our own lives” or “Uh oh, Vic’s here, I bet he’s going to try to scam past-Earth and create a temporal paradox”. It’s more like “Vic’s here, let’s remember  _how cool the 50s were,_ back when men were men and drank whiskey and hung around ladies wearing dresses, and wore fedoras _”_  (no!)

 

//

Probably spurred by this ask by soft-galaxies:

 

_since you asked ME: your thoughts on vic fontaine/lonely quark?_

 

this is hard to answer because I don’t like the vic program at allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll. for so! many! reasons! and quark is great and there’s like 28394 better ships for him

HOWEVER, i would be all about a pre-Nog story where quark’s feeling like crap and he goes into the Vic program (maybe to see what the fuss is and/or get some ideas for the bar since people love this fake vegas bar) and talks to vic for a while, & sloooowly realizes that the vic program only  _seems_  really insightful and keen. it is definitely (See other post of mine) a dick-sucking program. and he gets SUPER weirded out and bails before anything happens but yikes. this sets the stage for him being so worried when nog hangs out in there constantly and starts living with vic after his leg gets all fucked up. quark’s all, “someone programmed that Vic thing WAY too well, it is WAY too good at making you comfortable [and then sucking your dick]. my nwphew cant escape”


	8. STUPID POSTS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stupid posts originally from Tumblr.

julian bashir and garak seem super different, but they’re brought together by what makes them special , killing Romulan senators

 

//

 **Fact:** Jadzia and Garak should have been friends  
**Evidence:** how funny would it have been if Jadzia had chosen garak to host Joran during her zhian'tara instead of ben (i mean ben, seriously??) and much like quark interrupted to whine about playing Audrid, garak’s popping in and out to offer technical recommendations on murder and chastise Joran for his real “amateur hour bullshit”

  
that or he’s like “oOOOohoohohh NOOOOOO jadzia, this guy’s a muuuuurderrrrerrrr, oohhh nooooooooo~ i think he killed like… three guys!” but he’s like breakin kayfabe hard, he’s just openly laughing his ass off.

meanwhile Joran’s ego is shattered. his self-esteem just goes through the floor. not only is garak way better at murder, he can also do clarinet

 

//

 

 _star trek character who appears for 3 lines of dialogue:_  hello, my name is Blek’tho, i’m a Zeeyopian dishwasher repairman

 _star trek beta canon:_  Blek’tho, the secret prince who had newly become king of all zeeyop,

 

//

 

Not to be one of those fans* but DS9 episode Season 3 Episode 4, “Equilibrium”, the one where we find out  **JADZIA**  has a  **SERIAL KILLER**  in her  **BRAIN**  has the weirdest fuckin vibe with Bashir. The scene where she shows up in his room is bizarre. In fact, it’s what I think we all would like to have seen more of (it could be read as him being strict wrt: medical ethics when a worried and anxious Jadzia comes over in her PJs and asks to spend the night). but it also comes across as super strangely virginal for someone who attempts to bang every weird hole on the station, including, most def, jadzia. it’s distinct considering the problematic medical ethics plotlines he’s foisted into later but I like it quite a bit and wish we’d seen more of this person who, when the chips are down, absolutely reverts to the genuine overall welfare of his patients first. hey writers, thanks for remembering to write him in a more nuanced and considerate way up through that point i guess! 

 

_*I am though_

 

_//_

 

odo keeps his arms crossed more than me walking out to my car after i’ve come home and taken off my bra and suddenly realized i have to go back out there and go grab something

 

_//_

 

odo as a fleshy mecha ; quark is the pilot . its gummy and gross. they can’t even lift more stuff. its completely pointless and just , not a good idea.

 

_//_

 

kanar is sold in fancy swirly bottles and served in shots, which culturally codes it to us, the audience, as a _liquor_ , which is “elegant” or “genteel”

however, imho, it is way funnier to read it as “beer”

like dukat reasserts control over Deep Space 9 and he calls in weyoun and he’s like “cold one for ya my dude?” and weyoun is like “no” so dukat fuckin double fists Coors Light

bashir shows up at enabran tain’s haus and tain’s like “one tarkalian tea, and a Corona”

quark’s got his head in his hands after the turn-over to the bajoran government and he’s all like “how the fuck am i gonna offload all this candyass PBR???”

 

//

 

*taps temple* for scenes when odo’s at his desk they could have just had silly putty in a dog dish and had rene make odo noises from off camera. this would have saved tens of thousands of “secret world of alex mack” 90s computer fx dollars

 

what if we NEVER saw odo in a human-ish form???? what if he was ALWAYS like a chair or a pineapple

 

(Added by captaincrusher:

Tired: Odo can change shape.  
Wired: Odo is always a voice coming from a random inanimate object.)

 

//

 

cardassians think age is sexy so actually for dukat, kai winn was way hotter than kira. heck he probably thought kira was sexy in spite of being way younger. he wanted to nail her for her brains. kai winn was all about the sags and wrinkles. that one was 100% pure , raging lust. just a whole bunch of folds and angry WaPo comments about inflation. god he needed in that mess so bAD

 

//

 

there is a part of me that marvels that andrew j robinson made what was probably a pretty spontaneous decision when he was cast as Bit Part Lizard Person on the new star trek show that wasn’t performing as well as the other star trek show that his lizard guy was going to hit on the other character that hadn’t really gelled yet and that was going to affect  **the entire rest of his life**  i mean holy shit . like “you’re going to write an entire book based on this decision, you are going to be called to talk about it hun–nope,  _thousands_  of times”. a butterfly flaps its wings and millions of words of alien bondage fanfiction get written. my friends, it is profound .

 

//

 

_Anonymous asked: Would you rather eat lunch with Odo or Garak?_

I don’t give a single crap about food but love going to traditional fine dining restaurants, SO if it’s just going to a cafeteria I would love to go with Odo and rag on the pointless process of ingesting inelegant nutrient sludge, and the pointless process of small-talking over inelegant nutrient sludge. If it’s going to a  _proper restaurant_  I would go with Garak so we can act like we’re tremendously fussy and share between us ridiculous quibbles and vague comparisons to hidden events of our pasts and yet somehow eat  _every single thing that comes out_  and excitedly schedule the next time we’ll be back. If the chef presents madelines as a gratis closer we’ll flip our sHIT

 

//

 

post-canon fic where Julian’s parents LOVE garak because he’s a bigwig on Cardassia and so they incessantly brag about their sons relationship to everyone they meet and it drives Julian fucking BANANAS

 

//

 

the motherfucking  _balls_  of the TNG writers to introduce Data’s evil twin after only 13 episodes

 

//

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_anonymous  asked:_

_enabran tain as F-I-L?_

 

an AU where tain survives and is a, like, alive father in law is a hilarious concept and i love it immediately thank you

e: you know he would be like showing up at 6 in the morning to mow their lawn in his shitty old rubber boots because whoever mowed the lawn did it wrong (too gay) and it’s really loud. garak can sleep through it but bashir can’t so he goes down there to tell him to knock it off!! but instead tain just keeps talking over him and talking about like how you gotta aerate the soil and w/e and julian’s losing his fuckin mind

 

//

 

i wonder why some people think garak’s having much luck scoping out dudes on the station. like i think it’s p clear he’s playing a desperate numbers game. this is p well supported by the fact that when bashir goes to talk to tain, Tain’s like “i want him to live & die somewhere that everyone hates him” and not “i would like my son to continue having loads and loads of phenomenal gay sex with a neverending stream of randy hotties that ramble through deep space 9″. it’s a subtle difference but it’s there.

 

//

 

yo it’s fucked up we never see anyone from Risa actually in starfleet or nothin’. like they always just hang around their tourist planet doing idk sweeping up condoms. like i get that the weather is good but didn’t anyone from Risa like, want to go see shit out in space? like ever? 

 

 

//

 

Season 8: bashir accidentally crosses a tribble and remaining tissue samples from weyoun. jeffrey combs is everywhere. in the vents. in the replicator. just everywhere. 

Season 8: odo returns, and he can do noses now! this is the result of contract negotiations with rene. “gotta have a nose now” said rene. they give odo a hundred noses. now hair & makeup takes four times as long. “odo forgets noses” s8e04. 

Season 8: in a bold move to introduce the first canon gay couple in star trek, sisko and dukat get married in hell . widely considered a lateral move for lgbt representation.

 

//

 

i know dukat’s not a hot ticket here, but that scene in Defiant where sisko’s all in, but dukat’s fuckin moping in his chair because he was  _supposed_  to be on  _vacation_ is like the biggest fucking mood

i mean i know they try to make it a “you’re creating conflict with our peoples because my son’s gonna remember this as yadda yadda” but imho dukat also really wanted to go to disneyworld but he can’t say that in front of the scary obsidian order lady

 

//

 

 

star trek sex dice rolls:

 

 **klingon:**  honor | clitoris

 **trill:**  probe | bellybutton

 **ferengi:** commercialize | fingers

 **romulan:** contemptuously regard | prostate

 **bajoran:**  worship | taint

 **human:** explore | wiener 

 **cardassian:** subjugate | toes

 **vulcan:**  meditate on | ass 

 **q:**  create | nipples


	9. STUPID POSTS (CAPITALIZED)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short posts originally from my Tumblr, only better-formatted than chapter "Stupid Posts".

I would have liked a Translator Breakdown episode where it turns out some of the characters do know one another’s language but only at like a “two years in highschool” level.  
  
O'Brien: Tá an ríomhaire briste. Tá fadhbanna againn.

Sisko: The WARP CORE is *points to his own face, frowning* ??

Kira: Fuck! Fuck computer, fuck! *hand gestures* Computer is fuck!

Dax: “Com… computer…” *rubs temples* Ordinateur? Parlez plus lentement s'il vous plaît…. 

Worf: Я раздражен….

 

//

 

I really like ships that I can project stuff onto. God I love it so much. But not, like… personal stuff so much? Maybe some of that, but more like, I like it in some weird fucking allegorical/metaphorical space. 

Like Quark and Odo are fuckin fun because it’s like PANOPTICON & THE IMPASSIVE RULE OF LAW / AVARICE & CRIMINAL ENTERPRISE, ooohhh what’s the compromise between these two extremes, aaaa, society itself cannot come to a satisfying conclusion, but maybe by exploring this relationship between a weird goblin and a mug of meat we can find a way–

and then ultimately I draw something that looks like it could have come from a 1994 burger king promotional napkin and i’m like “hell yea, nailed it”

#kira and jadzia is totally like#the rage and courage to demand change#and the serenity and joy of appreciating things as they are#*rubs chin* also they’re both freakin gorgeous as hell

Reblabbin’ with the tags because that’s the core of what I like about Jadzia and Nerys as a pair. Don’t you ever feel ~torn between two worlds~ on that? Like, not sure if the more mature thing to do is be outraged or to keep a cool head? Not sure if you being hotheaded makes you foolish, or whether being easygoing just makes you manipulable? 

In a way Julian and Garak is the most straightforward one to me, it’s ideology vs. realpolitik. I freakin’ love ideology vs. realpolitik debate though. It seems like an intellectual abstraction until you realize that it’s at the core of conflicts that have resulted in the deaths of tens of millions, like, regularly. Historically often.

Aaanyway, all that aside, I’ll lay out the complete thought: like, there’s just this unfortunate phenomenon that when writers go to write two characters that will be a couple, they see that as the entire dynamic. Like, there’s no need to develop any compelling framework, because you’ve got it already, it’s “wanting to boink”. And that’s frustrating, because it naturally tends to drive people who are into involved conflicts toward relationships that aren’t founded on their romantic/sexual angle; they want something more substantive. It’s also a pretty strong reminder that when (primarily male) writers step into the shoes of someone in love, they think that “wants to boink y/n?” is the kit and caboodle. That’s grossly reductive!!

 

 

//

 

One of my favorite weird parallels between Babylon 5 and Deep Space 9 is that in both cases, the leader of the powerful alien empire aligned with the primary antagonist force, is featured in super low-budget sets. Like, it’s kind of necessary; DS9 already had more important sets that required attention (since Damar’s room appears only very briefly and is not thematically important) and Babylon 5 never had any money. 

However, what’s canon is canon, my dudes. Emperor Cartagia is surrounded by sheer drapes and Pier 1 castoffs (what’s great is when he appears on Narn it’s the same set and he lampshades it like “Wow you guys did a great job making it look like my palace on Centari Prime!”) And Damar, leader of the Cardassian Union, is sleeping in a dorm room with like one shitty mirror he got on clearance at Home Goods. 

In my mind, the implications are fun to think about (that Cardassians expect austerity of their leaders, as they value prestige and reputation over wealth; Centauri servants grift the shit out of their leaders by accepting large decorating contracts and then delivering garbage, but their leaders don’t realize because they have no taste). However, you just have to know that, if these were produced in modern times with some of the absurd TV budgets of today, Damar would probably have enjoyed, like, windows or something. The interpretation would be entirely different! 

Also Weyoun’s all casting shade on Damar having ladies over but apparently no one was like “hey maybe Damar shouldn’t have his clothes on if he’s in bed” so like what was he doing with those ladies with all his clothes on?? Like at least G’kar had his I’ve-Been-Fuckin’ robe.

 

//

 

To expand on my point from earlier, I feel like Star Trek TOS comes across as simplistic since it mostly moralizes from first principles. Which seem basic, now, commonly understood and ideally long since internalized. (But are they??)

Meanwhile, I feel like the tradeoff for DS9 was that writers could present a far more complex conflict, but they often hadn’t considered the argument back to its philosophical first principles. Like I’m not saying that the fundamentals need to appear in the episode. You only have so much time. But sometimes it really feels like they skipped a few steps in justifying why the the audience was supposed to prefer a specific outcome, and I think sometimes the viewership picked up on the fact that it was being treated somewhat presumptively. And then instead of going back and revisiting why the audience didn’t receive the messages as originally intended, I feel the writing team tore the ambiguity out of the show instead of… doing a better job of writing it. I mean, I really try not to sound negative, and I really like the show, and ideologically I’m even on its side, but I guess I do want to see more commitment towards making the point from the ground up, like TOS.

DS9 mostly does it well, with a few missteps. The ultimate example of this phenomenon, in my mind, is actually the movie Boxtrolls, which relies entirely on better media properties having already made its argument for it, because everything that actually occurs onscreen undercuts its self-professed morals. 

//


	10. NIGHTS THAT PASS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some mini fic requests

_**[Mini-fic Shipping Prompt](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/aceweyoun/185308098836)s/Request Meme:** _

_QUARK & ODO + things you said that i wasn’t meant to hear [@soft-galaxies](https://tmblr.co/mO2Zf3ejoeurAWUn5klEqMg)_

_[early season]:_

“Liquid latinum,” Quark remarked with wonder. He held the capsule to his eyes, his face bright with amazement. It sparkled, shone, this costly shot—barely a swig for all it represented. But it  _gleamed,_  and that’s what mattered. It was  _heavy_ , and that’s what mattered. “Looks just like him, doesn’t it? Ah, well, perhaps that’s what he is. Wealth so great it came alive, that owns itself.” 

“You know, it  _does_  look like me, doesn’t it? And you’re lucky, because if this weren’t me, and you’d just received a large payoff for a shipment of Tellar ambergris… ,” was the obvious reply, the fitting quip. It would have been, should have been. It  _was._  But something about the way that Quark had said it, with such admiration, and—now this was worrying, affection? Too awkward for the either of them. He’d bust that little shit some other time.

————-

_SISKO & DAX + “things you said under the stars and in the grass”  [@jazzypizzaz](https://tmblr.co/mxg4tLEqKRwqUHfk0JWHXsg)_

_[Which Dax unspecified]:_

“We used to do this,” Benjamin remarked fondly. His eyes seemed vaguely unfocused, his breath soft and serene. The view from his office was unusually pleasant, opportunity in the twinkle of every distant star.

Jadzia took another long pull, held it in, and issued an impressive puff of smoke. “Devonian. Mnhh,” she added approvingly. “Good kush.”

(There were those who maintained it was the only thing better than their chocolate.)

“Didn’t they argue? Some… rule, about it, about the new host being around….” He made a slow, looping motion with his hand. “People who’ve….” The gesture matured into a considerably more obscene one.

“They knew… Curzon, like…  _everything._  So… who cares?” 

————- 

_BASHIR & GARAK + “things you said when you thought i was asleep” [@toastpiercer](https://tmblr.co/mI1OOjo1NW_6lYsKr-Wq1MQ) and [@soft-galaxies](https://tmblr.co/mO2Zf3ejoeurAWUn5klEqMg) who asked for the same one!_

 

There was quite a lot of time to think, while Garak fought the wire. 

His body— _the patient’s body_ —pained and feverish, cycled between periods of both violent thrashing and lifeless calm. The former was startling, of course, but the latter was agony to witness: it called, too obviously, the threat. 

For the last hour, the man had been in such a spell.

“Readings stable.” 

Accurate, but it felt wrong. Misconceived. Utterly insufficient, overly-clinical. And, more than anything, not what he wanted to say.

“If you don’t wake…,” Julian managed softly. “I’ll still take you home. I’ll have your body buried there, on your world, on Cardassia. I promise.”

 

————- 

_SISKO & CURZON + “things you said that made me feel like shit” [@startrek-antagonist](https://tmblr.co/meEIlpa-Pa-lMj197tePJkQ)_

 

“It comes from three hundred years, kid, what am I supposed to say, ha?”

Benjamin gritted his teeth. “If every person is unique, then every couple is ‘special’. You could have…  _conceded_  that much, surely.”

There was a shrug, cheeky and cruel. “You’re not even the first person to say  _that_. But, you know, being Trill is about experience, and you’re just nothing new. Them’s the breaks, kid. As we say on my world, ‘better luck next time’.”

 

————- 

_DUKAT & SISKO + “things you didn’t say at all” @bubbaknowlton_

 

There are just some things you can’t say at the mouth of the fire caves.

“ _Were_ you coming on to me?”

“You still ought to have shot them, you know. The Maquis. I don’t let men live who’ve seen me on my knees, except, ironically, in the very most sensitive of circumstances. It dawns on me—”

“Did you ever get off in the command office? Under the desk? On it? I considered that. Thought of having it changed out, but the more I thought about it, the more my goddamn nuts—”

“Klingon was  _such_  a good look for you.”

“I like the vest, actually.”

“We’re on patrol in dead space for sometimes years at a time. You cannot tell me Federation culture is so rigid as to forbid special dispensations? And for widowers of war, no less!”

“ _Is_  your dick prehensile? Because I’ve heard it’s prehensile, and  _we’re not friends_ , but I admit—”


	11. STUPID POSTS (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More stupid posts originally put on my tumblr.
> 
> Not much in here yet, but the other one is getting full so I'm going to start backing them up in here. Cheers!

**fact:**  julian bashir’s purchase of the “ _vic fontaine_ ” program was the result of characteristically scribbly doctor penmanship. he was too embarrassed to clarify that he’d written “ _dick fountain_ ” on the order form so anyway they all started hanging out in there

 

 

//

 

(section 371 garak neckline)

 

garak showed up at his fathers death bed in the Cardassian equivalent of a crop top

 

//

 

 

 

 


End file.
